The idea for this website came to me in 2009. The idea was “make a website that teaches new age and spiritual principles with edge and humor.”
Seven years later in 2017 it is officially up. Why did this take so long? Why? Why? Why? This is a blogsite. It’s not a skyscraper. Seven years. Really? Why did it take so long to release?
I read tales of people actualizing their dreams and expanding them to places beyond their imagination. Growing, expanding, improving – manifesting at high levels. Executive levels. Manifesting on global levels. And I couldn’t even get a blogsite going. And what made it really comical was that I was a web developer so the technical stuff was in the bag.
I considered myself a good little manifester. In the past I was able to make a lot of my dreams come true. Within the first two months of deciding that I wanted to live in New York City a friend offered me their rent control apartment – $105 a month – in Chelsea. Unbelievable!
I manifested attending the college of my dreams; the traveling I wanted to experience; mastered painting; the dream of being in a rock band; getting investment money for the start-up I co-founded. Plus, this stuff happened quickly once I decided on them.
I’m not saying it was easy. I persevered and worked for all of it plus life threw me some curveballs. I had these amazing things materialize in my life and I was extremely grateful for all of them. When this website idea came to me I thought “No problem. I’ll get this thing happening in a few weeks.” That was in 2009. What happened?
It felt like the Universe was blocking me. Stopping me. Or was it me that was doing the blocking and stopping? Was this fear and resistance at work? Was this website idea so important to me that I was preventing myself from manifesting it? What was going on here?
This weirdness went on for years. I’m saying it was weird because I just couldn’t figure it out. I spent countless hours working on, designing, and thinking about a website that didn’t exist. That’s weird for a person like me. I generally get stuff done.
I don’t want to give you the impression that those years were completely open with unlimited time and ease. They were tough years emotionally and financially but I knew that the less than ideal working conditions was not the cause of the unmanifested website. Something else was going on.
Flash forward to January 2014. I was watering my plants when I had a sudden and very painful insight. If I didn’t want 2014 to look like 2013 then I needed to do something drastic. The website idea was no longer an idea… it was an obsession. It was a calling. It was my purpose. It had become very, very important to me and yet it still did not exist on the internet. It was all in my head. It was getting more unmanifested everyday.
So I made drastic changes. I moved. I changed my lifestyle. I calculated that under these new circumstances the website would be up and running in no time. The website went up if you want to call “up” a quote gallery and an about page. Which is the only thing that was up for over a year. Was that worse than not having anything up at all?
Everything was taking longer and I was discouraged. Much of the discouragement was around this bizarre sense of being blocked. I still couldn’t put my finger on it and yet there I was creating materials to help people manifest when my own life was not demonstrating much of that at all.
My inner critic was having the greatest time. It was not at all surprising because I gave it super material to work with. “Hey! Miss ‘Write Amazing Affirmations’ is really amazing with all her amazing unfinished amazingness.”
“How’s your Online Vision Board working for you now Miss ‘It’s June and you haven’t uploaded anything’?”
Yet the strangest thing happened. In the past I would’ve reached for my most beloved Byron Katie book and set to work undoing the voice of this inner critic. I would’ve meditated on the question “why is this taking so long?” seeking a wise and meaningful answer from within but instead I did something different.
I got mean. Real mean. Very un-new age mean.
My teeth and jaw clenched on my calling. I didn’t care when it manifested. I didn’t care what it took to manifest. This dream of mine needed a power to manifest that my other dreams simply didn’t require. I unexpectedly pulled up something deep within. Something very powerful and I have to say rather uncomfortable. Once that force was unleashed my focus was incredible. I was no longer working. I was plowing.
I finished my book. The book that I talked myself into doing and out of doing dozens of times. Until I just did it. Then it was done. I sent it out for feedback to friends and family. The feedback was not positive. The book was too long and arduous. They were right. I had too much content built up over the years and I was attempting to jam it into a single place.
I reworked the book and turned it into a multi-media program. I focused on only one section of the book and developed a freebie product from that. The instructional video took immense hours to produce. I was stunned at the amount of time the project required. It kept going and going and going. Then tea spilled on my laptop. Then I had to piece it all together again. Another year passed. It didn’t matter. I kept at it. Holding fast and true. Then all of a sudden it was finished. Really finished.
The answer to “why did it take six years to release this website?” remains a mystery. I have my ideas about it. These are based on what I learned during those six years. Valuable things. Patience. Perseverance. Timing. Acceptance. Did I say patience? Yet the most invaluable of the valuable was the lesson of belief. I allowed my life circumstances to become fringed and unhinged in order to make this dream of mine completely realize. I believed in myself but I had to believe and trust that the net would appear. It did. Thank goodness.